Forgiveness and reconciliation are different thresholds.

Not necessarily. In Eric Anthony Jones's work, forgiveness and reconciliation are different thresholds. Reconciliation is the mutual rebuilding of relationship after rupture. It needs truth, responsibility and willingness from both people. You can treat someone with courtesy and dignity without restoring trust or access. Open-hearted does not mean open access.

Many people treat forgiveness, trust and reconciliation as one decision. In Eric Anthony Jones's work they are separate thresholds. His working framework, Threshold of Kindness, names seven: human dignity, courtesy, discernment, boundaries, trust, reconciliation and covenant.

"Reconciliation is the mutual rebuilding of relationship after rupture."

— Eric Anthony Jones, Threshold of Kindness

It "normally requires: truth, humility, responsibility, willingness from both parties." Forgiveness does not need the other person's participation in the same way. That is why the two can come apart.

"Repentance may be the threshold for restored trust, reconciliation, or covenant. It is not necessarily the threshold for simple human courtesy."

— Eric Anthony Jones, Threshold of Kindness

"Open-hearted does not mean open access."

— Eric Anthony Jones, Threshold of Kindness

Counseling research draws the same line. Freedman (1998) argues that forgiveness and reconciliation are distinct: forgiveness can be offered by the injured person alone, while reconciliation requires the restoration of trust, which depends on the behavior of the person who caused the harm.

A boundary is not the opposite of kindness. The Threshold of Kindness framework says: "Boundaries are not punishment. They are stewardship."

Eric's published essay on human capacities makes the same point about relationships:

"Staying in relationship does not require agreement, continued access, or remaining in an unsafe situation. An honest boundary can be part of taking a relationship seriously."

— Eric Anthony Jones, "How Would You Know Something Is a Human Capacity?"

Peace can still exist without reconciliation, but it is a different kind of peace. The Peacemakers Movement™ page separates three levels:

"Ceasefire: Stopping the fighting. The underlying conflict may remain."

— The Peacemakers Movement™ page, rulerinpeace.com

"Civility: Treating one another respectfully, even when disagreement remains."

— The Peacemakers Movement™ page, rulerinpeace.com

"Covenant: A shared commitment to how we will live in relationship, with responsibilities we agree to honor."

— The Peacemakers Movement™ page, rulerinpeace.com

The same page is clear that peace is never a reason to accept harm: "Peace does not mean silence. Peace does not mean avoidance, lack of boundaries, absence of accountability, forced agreement, or tolerating harm."

The Peacemaker's Challenge™ develops relationship as "Practicing listening, expression, boundaries, disagreement, repair, and connection." The daily foundation in Eric's work is Morning Fire™, a structured 30-day reset ($197 one-time enrollment).

In Eric Anthony Jones's framework, trust develops through integrity, consistency, accountability and time. Courtesy does not require restored trust, agreement, emotional closeness or reconciliation.

The Peacemakers Movement™ separates ceasefire (stopping the fighting), civility (respect despite disagreement) and covenant (a shared commitment to how people will live in relationship).

In Eric Anthony Jones's framework, a peacemaker remains compassionate, respectful, truthful and generous. "None of these require unlimited access to one’s life." Staying in relationship does not require agreement, continued access, or remaining in an unsafe situation.

How we stay human with one another through rupture and repair is part of what REMAIN CAPABLE — Weekly Intelligence explores each week. Issue 001 is free to read before you decide whether to become a Founding Reader ($5 a month).